


Bring Me Back Down

by zran



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: And angst, Brian is a saint, Brian is a sweetheart, Deaky's ready to square up, M/M, Roger's a bit of a thot, Slow Burn, Some Fluff, Sort Of, and probably smut eventually, as usual, it's a rollercoaster of emotions, pure fluff, very up and down, who's secretly in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-09-22 05:31:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zran/pseuds/zran
Summary: Roger has nightmares; and no one can bring him back to reality quite like Brian can.//AKA, Roger and Brian start to realise their feelings for one and another via means of Brian looking after a nightmare-ridden Roger - but Roger struggles to let go of his former life and it makes it harder for everyone. To top it all off, Deaky is not making it easier for them - in more ways than one.





	1. Chapter 1

Brian was almost like a savant when it came to Roger. From the other room he could hear his laboured breathing; frantic and unintelligible nonsense escaping his lips. He had been listening for a few minutes now, post-show adrenaline leaving him helplessly awake with his own thoughts. At first, he had honestly though Roger was having sex. The small moans and heavy breathing, initially indistinguishable as pain or pleasure. But, as the small moans quickly became higher and lighter, Brian could sense the panic in the younger mans voice - asleep or not. He waited a few more moments, hoping whatever Roger was dreaming about would go away soon. Just as he thought the man had been calmed by his own thinking, a frantic grunt rang through the thin wall that separated them. Brian sighed softly and stood from his bed, grabbing his robe and throwing it on as he entered Roger's bedroom. Just as he had expected, Roger's delicate hands were clutching his bed sheets, and his eyes were screwed tight, clear anguish evident in his face. Brian couldn't help but frown. He hated when Roger got like this, the nightmares usually making themselves known when Roger had something on his mind, or when he hadn't quite drank enough to send him blissfully to sleep. It was the nightmares alone that had forced Roger out of his old bedroom near John and into this one near Brian. Try as he might, John could never quite manage to settle Roger, and he couldn't quite stomach the feelings of guilt when his friend got real bad. But, Brian - he seemed to know exactly what to do to calm Roger down - exactly what he needed; it never took him more than a few minutes to get Roger from a state of turmoil, to peacefully back asleep. So, as Roger writhed around in his bed, Brian made his way to the small space beside him. Carefully, he pulled Roger into his arms, rubbing circled over his back and sides. Usually, this would calm Roger down and turn his panicked grunts into painless nothingness. But, Roger must have been having more trouble than Brian suspected, because the sudden hands on him forced Roger awake. His eyes were wide and his breathing was ragged as he frantically looked around. 

"Hey. Hey" Brian whispered. "It's okay. You're okay." He muttered sweetly, not used to attempting to soothe his friend when awake. Roger looked over at him, and inhaled sharply, shakily exhaling. 

"Sorry..." Roger whispered. "Did I wake you?" He muttered guiltily. Brian couldn't help but chuckle. 

"No, no... I couldn't sleep." He replied. Roger nodded mindlessly and stared at what Brian figured was nothing more than empty space. After a few moments of silence, Roger just trying to take control of his laboured breathing, Brian carefully reached his hand up to push the hair out of Roger's face. His sandy locks were slightly damn from his profuse clamminess, but Brian didn't mind. It reminded him of how Roger looked when he was up on stage, madly banging away at an impressive drum solo, concentration plastered on his face. But now, in this moment, Brian couldn't see one lick of concentration; Roger's face read nothing more than emptiness. Brian couldn't blame him, likely wanting to rid his mind of whatever it was that had him tossing and turning in his sleep. "Can I get you anything?" Brian finally spoke, snapping Roger out of his mindless haze. 

"Oh... No, no. Sorry for making you get out of bed." He whispered, still staring at an empty space in the room. 

"It's fine, Rog." Brian reiterated, a humble smile on his face. They both sat in silence for a short while, Brian running his calloused hands over Roger's neck and back, while Roger tried to push himself back into reality. Out of the comfortable silence came a small cough. 

"Would you- would you just stay here for a bit?" Roger asked nervously. "Just so I can fall asleep?" He added. Brian smiled softly and nodded. It clearly hadn't occurred to Roger than despite not often waking up like this, his nightmares were not infrequent and that laying with Roger and rubbing his back was how Brian had spent many a night; simply making sure he ventured back to his room before morning arrived. 

"Here." Brian grunted lightly, moving to lay back, spreading his arm out for Roger. "Lay down." He commanded gently. Roger happily obliged, pressing himself up against Brian. Brian observed as the small man adjusted himself, getting settled into the perfect spot in the crook of Brian's side. Roger's angelic eyes fluttered closed, a small grin on his lips. 

"Thanks, Bri." Roger mumbled. Brian looked down at the baby-faced man as he nodded off, a peaceful smile on his soft-featured face. It was more than Brian could have asked for. 

Yes; Brian was a savant when it came to Roger. He knew exactly what he needed, and be damned if he wouldn't give it to him. If only he knew how to make Roger see how absolutely infatuated the older man was with him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a few people asked me to make this into a series, so I thought I’d give it a go. I didn’t have this in mind originally, so I’m not super duper sure on where to go. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to shoot them through! :)

Brian slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he looked around the room he didn’t recognise. It was dark, but he could make out the clothes scattered around the room, and the half empty beer bottle on the bedside table. It all came flooding back. He was in Rogers room. Hazy memories on the night prior soon came back to him. He looked to his right and saw nothing but an empty bed. He sat up, frowning and puzzled as he slowly rolled out of bed, each joint cracking as he took his first few steps. He made his way slowly to the kitchen, rubbing his eyes as the lights hit his eyes. 

“Morning!” Freddie sung to him from his position at the time. John let out a gentle morning pleasantry also. Brian raised a simple hand to acknowledge the two men and searched to room, squinting. He spotted Roger in the kitchen and slowly made his way to the younger mans side. 

“Morning, Rog.” Brian said softly, grabbing a mug and tea to make it look like he was there for purposes other than talking to Roger about the night before. 

“Morning.” Roger said quickly, as he buttered his toast. There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence between them. “I’m sorry.” Roger finally mumbled, quiet enough that it was just the two of them who could here. 

“Sorry? What are you sorry for, Roger?” Brian said lightly, genuinely confused. Roger looked up towards Brian and he could sense a slight frown on the blonde’s face. He couldn’t help but return the frown in anticipation. 

“Last night...” Roger mumbled, diverting his eyes from Brian’s. 

“Last night?” Brian questioned. “Why are you sorry about last night?” He said, confused obvious in his knitted brows. 

“For waking you with my nightmare... and making you sleep with me.” Roger muttered, embarrassed. Brian couldn’t help but grin; if only Roger had known how much he enjoyed spending the night with Roger in his arms. If it weren’t for every morsel of logic that Brian possessed, he might have calmed Roger’s embarrassment by assuring the man that he was indeed smitten. 

“Rog...” Brian chuckled softly. “It’s so okay...” he whispered. “I would come and stay with you every night it meant you would feel better.” He said sweetly, grinning as he noticed the blush on Roger’s cheeks. 

“That’s really sweet, Bri. But I couldn’t ask you to do that.” He said softly, avoiding eye contact with Brian as the grin spread across his face. ‘Yes you can’, Brian though. ‘Oh, god; you absolutely can. Please do.’ His brain was practically begging. He almost hoped that the many years of friendships has instilled in the two men some sort of telepathy. But, alas; Roger’s gaze remained focused on his toast. Brian let out a gentle sigh as he lifted his tea. 

“You most definitely can, Roggie.” He chuckled, giving him a gentle squeeze as he pecked his hair. He sauntered off to the table, hoping the cheesy nickname has deflected how smug Brian was about giving Roger a kiss. He sat down with his tea and picked up the paper, his mouth gaping slightly as he came to genuine terms with what he’s just done. He turned slightly to sneak a glance at Roger, hoping he wasn’t looking. He couldn’t help but grin as he watched the younger man, mouth agape and eyes wide, staring more intently at a piece of toast than he’d ever seen someone do before.


	3. Chapter 3

That night at the show, Brian played as best as he could despite the distracting feelings rising within in. It seemed that Roger may have been in the same boat, considering how Freddie chewed everyone out when they got off stage for a ‘complete lack of professionalism’. They barely heard him utter such words as they dispersed amongst the dressing room, and after that, even further to the nearby pub. The four men sat around the bar, receiving drinks from desperate fans hoping to go home with one of them. After not too long, Roger had moved from the group to a more secluded area of the bar. He was quietly chatting with a young lady who seemed absolutely beside herself to have the attention of Roger Taylor. Brian couldn’t help but watch - he knew it looks creepy, but he couldn’t force himself to look away. He had really thought that he and Roger had had a moment that morning; he was obviously mistaken. Because here Roger was, gently touching this girls arm and making her laugh. Brian wasn’t one to get particularly angry, but he couldn’t help himself. He was seeing red. He put down his still full drink and stormed off out the back door and into the alleyway behind the bar, usually reserved for smoking and blowies on offer for £25. He rested against the cold brick and let out a ferocious groan. 

“Fuck off, Roger!” He snapped, only to himself. “Here I am sleeping in your bed and making sure you’re okay when you can’t sleep and this is what you do?” He rambled to himself. “And this morning...” he was ripped from his personal monologue by a gentle voice in the doorway. 

“This morning? What on earth happened this morning?” Brian turned to see Deaky. His eyes shot wide open. 

“I umm... I didn’t....” he muttered, trying to figure his way out of this. John just chuckled. 

“Your giant crush on Roger. Yes, I know. Now... what on earth happened this morning?” He repeated. Brian was now beet red. 

“How did you?” He said softly, brows knitted together. 

“Brian!” He said, letting out a squeaked chuckle. “You are not even remotely subtle about it. I honestly can’t believe Roger doesn’t know.” He laughed, making Brian go even more red - if that was even possible. 

“What?” Brian uttered, in a panic. Roger might know? He might know and still chose to spend his night with some groupie. Deaky just let out another chuckle. 

“Calm down, Brian. Like Freddie and I care...” he smirked. Brian shook his head. 

“Does Roger know?” Was all he could respond. 

“Please!” Deaky chuckled. “I don’t think Roger would catch on even if you stuck a love letter on his forehead.” Brian frowned slightly; Roger clearly wasn’t the least bit interested in Brian. But, this morning... he could have sworn that the look on his face meant something. 

“So, he doesn’t like me?” Brian said softly, somewhat ashamed of how insecure his voice sounded. 

“Well, I don’t know. He’s never said anything to me about it. Or Fred for that matter.” John said logically, upon seeing Brian’s face he quickly continued. “But, I didn’t mean that in the sense that he doesn’t want to like you - he’s just oblivious.” He said quickly. Brian shook his head. 

“It’s fine. It’s probably nothing. I won’t push my luck.” Brian said sadly, pushing himself from the wall. “I think I’m just going to go home.” He mumbled. 

“Want me to come with you?” John asked quietly. 

“Nah, it’s fine. Dance on, Deaks. Party hard.” He mumbled, before exiting the alleyway onto the street. He got in the first cab he could and hauled ass for their flat. When he got inside, he immediately hit the couch and shut his eyes. He quite honestly, felt numb. He felt like a bit of an idiot and wanted to curl up and swallow himself into nothingness. Luckily for him, he drifted off quite quickly, clearly exhausted from the show. 

 

He awoke, god knows how much later, to the sound of banging. He slowly lifted his head, and as he blinked away the blur, he was able to determine that said banging was coming from Roger’s room. He frowned more with every moan and every time the headboard hit the wall. He was quite glad he’d fallen asleep on the couch and not in his bed that laid back to back with Roger’s. As much as he would have wanted to fall back to sleep and forget what was happening, he was now very awake. He stood from the couch and went to make some tea. Standing angrily in their kitchen, where he and Roger had been just the other morning, he could block out the sounds of his friend and his one night stand, no matter how hard he tried. He remained like that until the sound ceased. Silence rang over the apartment, and it was almost even worse. Now, Brian was alone with his own thoughts - all his thoughts. The thoughts that told him he was angry with his bandmate for leading him on, and his thoughts that made him wish he was in that bedroom instead of whatever floozy Roger had bought home. Interestingly, he didn’t have to wonder for long, because within minutes of the ‘love-making’ ending, a young blonde girl was being ushered out the bedroom door - and the flat - by a clearly fucked out Roger. Brian tried to freeze in hopes that he wouldn’t be noticed, but Roger’s eyes made immediate contact with Brian’s as he walked the younger lady out the flat in his boxers. Brian tried his best to hide the defeat and detest on his face. After a few moments, Roger slowly came over to join Brian. 

“Good night?” Brian muttered, arms folded over his chest. 

“Mm, alright.” Roger responded shortly, getting himself a glass of water. “Nothing special. Just another one.” He added. Brian gave a quick nod. “I’m sorry for waking you...” Roger said softly. “I’m really sorry that I keep doing that...” he whispered. “When I can’t sleep and when...” he trailed off, looking back to his bedroom, where said crime had just taken place. “You’re a great friend, Brian.” Roger said softly. Brian’s heart sank. A great friend. Friend. Of course Roger didn’t feel that way about him. Brian was stupid for even thinking that was a possibility. 

“It’s fine.” Brian said quickly. “I’d do anything if you needed me to.” He said quietly. His words revealed a grin on Roger’s face. 

“Thank you, Bri.” He mumbled. He looked up at the taller man, and leaned forward placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. “To repay you for the kiss this morning...” he trailed off. “Goodnight, Bri.” He whispered, before turning back to walk to his room. Brian wanted to grab him. To turn him around and kiss him more forcefully than one should kiss anyone. But he couldn’t. Because Roger had just brought home and shagged a girl, and called him a great friend. He wasn’t interested in him, but boy, was Roger sending some mixed signals. And, it was killing Brian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone for reading and enjoying. I still don’t have a clear idea for this as it wasn’t supposed to be a series, so if you have any ideas or suggestions, please comment them! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Brian awoke the next morning, groaning as he rolled out of bed. He pulled in his robe and walked mindlessly into the kitchen. He passed Roger’s room as he did so; his door was open and Roger was laying spread out. He wasn’t sure if he was asleep or passed out but he had clearly ran into no problems falling asleep last night - he never did after a shag. Brian sighed heavily as he walked briskly to the kitchen. He sat at the dining table, not bothering with a cup of coffee or tea. His head was quite sore from the night before, and despite his decent sleep, there was an aching pain in his body that he couldn’t quite shake. He was trying not to think about last night - about Roger and that woman. The way he looked coming out of his bedroom looking totally fucked out; and how much Brian wanted to be coming out of that bedroom with him. He shook his head profusely, desperately trying to made the crude fantasies disappear. 

“You right, mate?” A voice cut through him. He turned to see Roger standing not far from his bedroom door, still in just his boxers. Brian ran his tongue over his bottom lip as he stared at Roger nervously. 

“Uhh... yeah- I’m fine.” He muttered. Roger raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question it further. He moved over to the kitchen and began clanging cups and plates. “Tea?” He said softly. Brian just grunted lowly, but Roger knew what he meant. 

“One sugar, no mi-“ Brian said softly, not even looking towards Roger. 

“I know.” Roger cut him off. “I’d be a pretty shit friend if I couldn’t even remember how you take your tea.” He chuckled. There it was again. Friend. He let out a soft sigh and stared blankly at the table. He stayed like that until Roger brought him his tea, sitting beside him. 

“Thanks.” Brian mumbled, reaching for it and taking a sip. Roger just nodded as he did the same. 

“So...” he began. “You left early last night?” He mumbled. This caught Brian’s attention, and he met Roger’s eyes. He got a little lost in Roger gaze. Staring into those blue eyes that he loved so much was only making him feel shittier. 

“Mm- yeah. Sorry.” He said quietly, diverting his gaze again. 

“What are you sorry for?” He chuckled. “Just wanted to know why?” He said softer. Brian let out a quiet cough to clear his throat. 

“You umm... you seemed rather preoccupied.” He mumbled, trying to hide the hurt tone of his voice. Roger stayed quiet for a moment. 

“I thought you’d gone home with someone.” He admitted. “You were there... and then you left. I assumed you’d found someone to take home. It wasn’t until I’d brought that bird home and saw you on the couch...” Roger said softly, Brian looked up at him with a blank expression. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled. 

“What are you sorry for?” Brian said quickly, throwing Roger’s words back at him. There was a considerable moment of silence, to the point where Brian began shifting a little uncomfortably. 

“I umm... I wanted us to come home- and hang out.” Roger said quickly, seemingly cutting himself off before he said something more incriminating. “I feel like we haven’t been spending heaps of time together lately.” He muttered, looking at the table himself. The silence returned; Brian didn’t know how to respond and it didn’t appear that Roger was going to elaborate. It wasn’t until a wildly hungover Freddie appeared from his bedroom that the awkward silence was broken. 

———

They had played another show that night, but had decided to only grab a pack of beers from the pub and bring them home. They had had a few drinks, talked about the show and when Freddie suggested they do go out, they called it a night. Now, Brian was lying in bed listening to the quiet whimpers and moans from Roger’s bedroom. On any other night he would already be in there comforting him; but tonight, he feared doing so would be too much for him to handle. He couldn’t look at Roger - sweaty and whimpering and not love the man in front of him. But, he knew he had to stop. If Roger wasn’t going to be straight with him and outwardly tell him how he felt - he was just going to have to drop it and move on. He let out a quiet huff and rolled over, pulling his knees to his chest and closing his eyes tightly in the hopes that he could somehow block out the noise and go to sleep. The guilt was eating at him. He wanted to go in there and hold him and let him know that he was there and that Roger never had to worry about a stupid bad dream again. But he knew that if he kept doing it, he would never get over him; and for his own good - and the good of the band - he had to get over him. As Brian laid there and racked his brain, the whimpering and cries eventually stopped. Brian let out a sigh of relief and let himself sink into his mattress. It was just as he was dozing off that he heard the creak of his slightly open door. He opened one eye and look towards it. There stood the sunken and thin figure of Roger. He sat up on his elbows and peered through the dark room. It wasn’t like Roger to come to his room in the middle of the night - something must have been wrong. 

“Rog. Are you okay?” He said huskily. 

“I can’t sleep.” He admitted, his voice shaky. Brian expelled the breath he didn’t know he was holding and flicked on his lamp. 

“C’mere.” He whispered, patting the space beside him. Roger gingerly shuffled over to the bed. He sat at look at Brian, opening his mouth to speak. “Don’t say you’re sorry.” Brian said quickly, cutting him off. “Stop telling me you’re sorry... you don’t have to be sorry.” He mumbled, his eyes not on Roger. Roger nodded sombrely. “What’s going on, Rog. You’ve been sleeping really bad lately. Is everything okay?” He said sweetly. 

“I don’t even know!” Roger exclaimed. “It’s like my brain is running at a million miles an hour and when it’s time to go to bed it won’t stop. Even when I do fall asleep, it keeps going.” He sighed. Brian just nodded so Roger knew he was listening. 

“Like what?” Brian said softly, clearly needing to elaborate when Roger gave me a confused look. “What kind of stuff is keeping you up?” He said softly. Roger shifted a little uncomfortably, seemingly unable to look at Brian. 

“I Uhh...” he mumbled, his nimble fingers running over Brian’s patterns sheets. “I think I might be umm- well, you know... not straight.” He muttered, before looking up at Brian. “It seems stupid, but...” he trailed off. 

“It’s not stupid, Roger.” Brian said seriously. “It’s okay... and normal and...” he mumbled, flustered by the fact that Roger was coming out to him, and trying not to get caught up in the fact that this made fantasies slightly more realistic. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Brian finally said, once his own brain had stopped operating at a million miles. Roger quickly shook his head. 

“No... I want to go to bed.” He muttered, shifting as if preparing to stand up. “Would- would I be able to stay in here tonight. I don’t really want to be alone... I’ll sleep on the floor if you want.” Roger mumbled. Brian couldn’t help but grin; more so at Rogers unusual selflessness than for his own personal gain. He got himself back into bed comfortably and opened his arms out for Roger. Roger meekly crawled into his arms, nuzzling into his neck. “Thank you, Brian.” He whispered. “You’re a really great...” he paused. Brian clenched his teeth slightly, praying to every deity under the sun that he didn’t have to hear Roger call him a great friend again. “You’re a really great person... and I love you for that.” Roger whispered, before nuzzling further into Brian and shutting his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for the kudos and comments. I absolutely love hearing your suggestions, so please keep them coming. I have a couple that I have liked and tried to incorporate in future chapters :)


	5. Chapter 5

Brian woke up the following morning the find Roger still asleep in the crook of his arm. He grinned softly and tried to adjust himself slightly to ease the pins and needles that were starting to form in his arm. As he moved, Roger began to stir. Brian cursed silently under his breath as Roger’s eyes fluttered open to see Brian staring at him. 

“Morning.” Roger muttered. 

“Morning.” Brian returned quickly. “Sleep okay?” He asked. Roger nodded almost immediately. 

“I don’t know if your bed is just comfier than mine... but I sleep so much better in here...” he said softly, beginning to yawn. “Thanks again for letting me sleep in your bed. I promise you can come sleep in my bed anytime.” He chuckled softly. Brian grinned wide, watching the lines by Roger’s eyes become prevalent as he laughed. 

“Roger...” Brian began, after staring at him for possibly too long. “About last night...” he began, only stopping as Roger’s face screwed up. 

“Uggh. Let’s not talk about it...” he groaned, beginning to roll over. Brian felt his heart drop. 

“Why not?” He questioned. “Don’t you wanna talk? I’m sure it’ll make you feel better?” He said almost a bit too urgently. He just wanted Roger to say it again. To put method to his madness and make him think he had even the slightest chance of fulfilling the fantasies that were consuming his thoughts. 

“Honestly? No. I don’t think it will.” He sighed softly. 

“You’re gay? So what?” Brian finally said, trying to calm Roger down. 

“No.” He said quickly. “I’m not straight. I didn’t say I was gay. I like women... I just maybe like men too.” He muttered coldly, still not looking at Brian. 

“Why are you getting angry at me?” Brian questioned. 

“Because.” Roger snapped. “I don’t get why you wanna talk about it so bad? It has nothing to do with you.” His words were harsh, as if he was trying to hurt Brian. Brian retreated from right behind Roger, slowly slipping out of the bed. 

“I’m sorry...” he mumbled, putting his hands up as if to surrender. “I wasn’t trying to pressure you. Just trying to help.” He whispered. “It’s not easy coming to terms with it...” Brian mumbled, quickly pulling on a warmer sweater and heading for the door. 

“What did you just say?” Roger said quickly, rolling over to look at Brian suspiciously. 

“I said, I wasn’t trying to pressure you.” Brian repeated, still staying close to the door. 

“No... you said it’s not easy coming to terms with it...” he mumbled, sitting up and staring Brian square in the face. Brian shifted a little uncomfortably. 

“Uhh... yeah... I did.” He whispered, running a hand through his curls as best he could. “It is what it is... oh well.” He muttered awkwardly. “You want breakfast?” He asked quietly, trying desperately to change to subject. 

“Hang on!” Roger said loudly, standing from the bed. “You don’t get to come out to me and then just change the subject!” He said, a little aggressively, but with no real threat behind it. They were now just inches apart. 

“You did.” Brian said plainly, a smirk on his lips. Roger eyes him angrily. 

“Shut up!” He snapped. “You’re such a dick.” He growled, almost spitting on Brian. Brian couldn’t help but chuckle as he leant down and pressed his lips to Roger’s. He’d known Roger long enough to see through the rouse. He knew Roger wasn’t actually angry; he just wanted to put on a front that didn’t read scared shitless. It was a common occurrence when it came to Roger. Brian felt Roger’s eyes widen by the muscles contracting his his cheeks. He then felt Roger pull away. 

“Are you fucking with me? Are you trying to get a rise out of me? Because it’s fucking working.” Roger said shortly. Brian just chuckled and shook his head. He’d barely finished the gesture when Roger’s face was crashing back into his, arms now sneaking around his neck. Brian found his hands on Roger’s hips, long fingers splayed to reach his torso and upper thigh. They both stayed like that for a moment, before Roger took initiative in exploring Brian’s mouth. He circled his tongue around, and Brian could feel the movements and sounds escaping from Roger become more desperate as he got more excited. After a little while, he pulled away frustratedly. “Why won’t you kiss me?” Roger groaned. 

“I am kissing you.” Brian laughed, his hands still across Roger’s mid-section. 

“I mean properly!” Roger almost yelled. 

“It is properly. You don’t have to tongue fuck someone for it to be a proper kiss.” Brian smirked, eyeing off Roger’s lips. Roger rolled his eyes.

“Such a prude.” He whispered before reconnecting their lips - much more gently this time. They continued to kiss passionately, Roger’s hands knitting themselves into Brian’s curls. Roger pushed himself onto his tip toes, trying to grasp Brian tighter. Brian just pulled back and laughed. 

“Wanna sit down, shortstuff?” He teased. Roger rolled his eyes. 

“You’re a noodle.” He stated, as he tugged Brian over to the bed, pushing him to sit on the edge as he climbed on his lap. He immediately reconnected their lips, continuing to kiss until Brian slipped his tongue into Roger’s mouth - almost hungrily. Roger let out a small moan and pulled back. 

“You don’t have to tongue fuck someone for it to be a proper kiss.” He fake-mocked, a smirk on his slightly redder-than-normal lips. 

“You’d like me to stop?” Brian chuckled, his voice light and giddy. Roger shook his head messily as he rocked forward to kiss Brian with so much force that they both fell back onto the bed. Brian’s hands instinctually snaked around to Roger’s bum, making Roger tense up for a moment before he released another gentle moan. Brian chuckled into the kiss, air escaping his nose and tickling Roger’s cheek, causing him to laugh also. They pulled away, both laughing quietly. Roger looked down at Brian and his laughter turned into a bright smile - one Brian rarely saw from Roger. One that came out when he was too drunk for his own good - but this time, it was even more genuine. There was something so real in Roger’s eyes that Brian couldn’t help but smile back just as bright. 

“I... I really like you.” Roger whispered, his cheeks immediately turning red.

“Really? I never would have guessed. Thought all mates made out in their spare time.” Brian joked, earning a gentle slap on the shoulder from Roger. “Ow! Ya prick!” Brian exclaimed, faking pain before laughing once again. He stopped when he noticed the lack of laughter on Roger’s face. He turned to him with concern, his eyes searching his quizzically. 

“Do... do you not like me?” Roger mumbled; Brian could feel how tense he was by the hands that still gripped his bum. 

“What? Of course I like you, you spastic!” He laughed.

“Wanker.” Roger muttered, a grin on his face as he leant down to kiss Brian again. Just as they began getting back into the groove, the door to Brian’s bedroom swung open. 

“Have you seen Rog-“ Freddie called, stopping once he’d locked eyes with the sight in front of him. “Yes, you have.” He stated, the shit-eating grin growing on his face. “I’ll take it you two are a little too busy for breakfast?” He questioned, as Roger quickly stood from his position on top of Brian. 

“Oh- uh... no. We’re coming now. Sorry.” He mumbled, straightening out his shirt and starting towards the door. He pushed back Freddie quickly and was out of sight in an instant. Brian couldn’t help but let out a frustrated sigh and leant his head back on the bed. 

“Sorry for interrupting, dear.” Freddie said softly, his tone sounding very genuine. 

“It’s fine.” Brian sighed, sitting up with a huff. “I just don’t know what that was all about.” He mumbled. 

“The hasty exit? Or the clearly heated makeout session you two were having.” Freddie questioned, a wide smirk on his face. 

“The exit.” Brian said flatly. 

“Good. I was going to say... if you didn’t know what the whole ‘Roger on top of you’ thing was about, I’d say you were blind.” He chuckled. Brian gave Freddie the satisfaction of a small grin, and looked back at his hands. 

“He told me he liked me.” Brian muttered. 

“And that shocks you why, darling? Of course he likes you. It’s obvious; and I’d say it’s equally clear that you fancy him.” Freddie said softly, as if not to rile Brian up. 

“I know!” Brian groaned. “But, then why did he run off when you came in? It’s not like anyone’s going to care.” He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. 

“Cut him some slack, dear. Not exactly easy to admit to your friends that you’d like it up the bum.” He joked, winking. Brian’s eyes widened, clearly uncomfortable. “You’re not there yet clearly. Sorry.” He chuckled, turning towards the door. “Come on. Roger will get over it... and Deaky is cooking pancakes.” He said as he exited. “Chop, chop!” He called as Brian remained in the doorway. He let out a quiet groan and followed him reluctantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. I love reading the comments. As always, I appreciate suggestions or requests. :)


	6. Chapter 6

Brian slowly entered the kitchen behind Freddie. He looked to Roger, but he would not meet is glance. "Tea?" He questioned, looking mostly at Roger. 

"Deaky's made yours already - on the kitchen bench." Freddie said softly. Brian nodded quickly, grabbing his tea and moving to sit beside Roger at the table. 

"Hey... you alright?" He whispered, placing a gentle hand on Roger's knee. 

"Don't- don't do that, please. I don't want to in front of Fred and Deaky." He mumbled, not making eye contact with Brian. Brian quickly retracted his hand, frowning slightly as he did so. 

"Oh, Roger; darling!" Freddie chuckled. "It's quite alright. You know that Deaky and I don't mind in the slighest." Roger didn't reply. He wouldn't even make eye contact with Freddie. 

"Roger; It doesn't matter if you're gay..." Deaky spoke up, speaking from behind his tea cup. 

"I'm not gay!" Roger snapped, instantly regretting it when he saw the expression on Deaky's face. "I- umm..." He muttered. "I'm sorry, Deaky. I didn't mean to yell."

"It's fine. We get it. You're not gay." Deaky said harshly. "Wonder how Brian feels about that." He added. Roger gazed over at Brian, who was looking at his lap. 

"I umm... well, I-" He stammered. "I didn't mean it like that..." He mumbled awkwardly. 

"Alright- let's not force poor Roger to come out over breakfast." Freddie announced, causing Roger to breathe a sigh of relief. Deaky just returned the comment with an eye-roll. 

"You say that like we don't all know already. Brian likes Roger. Roger likes Brian. They're both gay or bisexual or - honestly who cares. They like each other and no on here cares. So, let's skip the bullshit and you two can go about it." Deaky exclaimed matter-of-factly. "Just, no sex on the couch." He added, still deadpan. Brian was absolutely red-faced, blush spreading over what felt like his entire body. He glanced over at Roger however, and noticed a considerable smile on his face. 

"I quite like that idea." Roger whispered. A comfortable silence fell over the table, and the four of them eat breakfast quietly. 

_______

That night the played a sold out gig. The uni hall that had booked them was packed and a fantastic crowd. It had been unanimous that they go out to celebrate. They were all sitting in a crowded booth, drinking beers and discussing the great show they'd just played. 

"Another round?" Roger questioned, already standing from the table. The three boys nodded in agreement and Roger disappeared into the darkness of the club. 

"So, you and Roger, huh?" Freddie smirked, nudging Brian gently. Brian just rolled his eyes. 

"It's not like we're dating or anything; we just kissed. It's really nothing. He mumbled, eyeing his beer. 

"But, you both like each other. That's been established. So, it could be something, darling." He chuckled. Brian couldn't help but chuckle in return.

"Yeah, well... don't get ahead of yourself, Fred. It's just messing around; just... friends." He sighed. 

"Well, you're not making it seem as if you want to remain friends." Deaky interjected. 

"Yeah... I don’t. I like him.” Brian stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

"Then, go!" Freddie almost yelled. "Go and tell him, darling! He's clearly smitten with you. Go tell him you want to move ahead!" He exclaimed cheerfully. Brian blushed hard. 

"I should wait-" He began. 

"Nonsense!" Freddie snapped, before Brian could even finish his sentence. He was pushing on his shoulder. "Go. Now." He demanded. Brian rolled his eyes and placed his beer down. 

“Fine; fine! I'm going, Fred. Would you stop pushing me?" He mumbled, a smirk on his face. He turned and nervously made his way towards the bar. His heart was pounding and his hands were clammy. He knew that a bar was a bad place to ask someone to be your boyfriend, but Freddie wouldn't let him wait any longer - and he didn't really want to wait either. He wanted Roger to be his - now. He wanted to grab him and hold him, and kiss him without even having to bat an eyelash about it. He wanted every one of his fantasies - as dirty as it was - that he'd thought about with Roger to come true; and he knew that Roger would be up for it. Roger was a flirt, and a tease; he was promiscuous and kinky - and... and a total whore! There he was; hand around the midriff of a girl that Brian didn't recognise. He didn't even look like he'd ordered their drinks before getting handsy. The two of them were talking, both sporting smiles and the occasional laugh as they did so. Brian could feel his blood boil - but more than anything, he could feel the tears in his eyes. Before he could even rationalise the thousands of thoughts running through his mind, he felt himself turning and exiting faster than he could take a breath. 

"Brian; what are you doing?" Freddie questioned, catching him as he passed their booth. 

"Going home!" He snapped. "Let me go, Fred." He grumbled, pushing past him and towards the exit. He stood outside, fuming. His breath was visible in the cold air, and was coming out rapidly as he huffed and heaved. He couldn't understand why Roger was doing this - he'd thought they were on the same page. But, clearly not. He got in the first taxi that came by and headed straight to the flat. When he got home and inside, he plopped down on the couch and flicked on the television. If Roger was going to come home with some girl he picked up at the bar, Brian was going to make sure he was awake when Roger got home - awake enough to make him feel terrible about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think about this chapter - I'm not sure how I feel about it! As always, feedback and suggestions is always appreciated :)


	7. Chapter 7

Brian sat motionlessly on the couch – his cheeks were flushed and his blood was boiling. Sure, he and Roger hadn’t explicitly talked about being a couple or anything, but they had stated that they liked each other. Maybe Brian was old fashioned, but he figured that meant that Roger wouldn’t be in a bar, chatting up some floozy – especially not with Brian sitting not five metres away. He honestly couldn’t believe it. Despite all the unfaithfulness he’d seen between Roger and his girls in the past, he really didn’t think Roger would do that to him. Which Brian figures is more fool him. Of course Roger wasn’t going to change. This was no different than the last girlfriend he had – Brian was nothing more to Roger than a sad sap to be cheated on and lied to. 

_Fuck Roger. What do I even see in him?_ Brian thought, as his fists tightened by his side, and he lost all focus on the television in front of him. _He’s a dickhead – an absolute wankstain. I do so much for him; I nurse him back to sleep when he’s having a bad dream – and he’s the one keeping me awake. He doesn’t deserve me._ Brian held himself so tensely that he could feel a headache coming on. He knew he had to calm down for his own good. But he couldn’t get over what he’d seen – and subsequently how angry he was. Roger’s small hand pressed against her back, his fingers gentle moving to caress her delicate body. The way he smiled confidently at her, charm and exuberance just radiating from him – Brian could feel it even from where he’d been standing watching. Now, where he sat on their ratty, old couch, Brian wasn’t even angry – not anymore. Now, he could feel the tears in his eyes, stinging his tired lids and cascading from his lashes. 

It wasn’t fair; he knew that. But nothing with Roger was ever fair. It was his way or no way – and the only person who ever bothered to quarrel with him about that was Freddie. Brian never bothered – he always gave in and let Roger have what he wanted. It was far easier than whatever tantrum would ensue if he didn’t. He’d already given Roger the satisfaction of knowing that Brian was a) gay, and b) very much liked him. Was that all Roger needed? He could get off knowing that he was pined for? But now; now he wasn’t going to give Roger a thing. Fuck that awful little man he dared call a best friend. A real best friend wouldn’t hurt him like that – especially not when they felt that way about each other – if Roger did even feel that way. Just as Brian could feel his head about to explode with either sadness or fury, he heard keys jingling in the front door of the flat. He quickly wiped his eyes and adjusted himself to face the door, hoping he didn’t look like an absolute mess when Roger walked in with whichever wannabe-groupie he brought home. As the door swung open, he sniffled and put on a brave face – but he didn’t need to. It was Freddie and Deaky, coming loudly through the door. 

“Shhh! You’re going to wake Brian!” Deaky whisper-yelled, pulling a slightly inebriated Freddie through the front door by his jacket collar. 

“It’s fine!” Freddie whisper-yelled back. “Him and Roger are probably fucking, dear. No need to be quiet.” Brian’s heart sank, and he could see by the dejected look on Deaky’s face, that he also felt terrible about what had happened. 

“Brian went home early, Fred. Remember? Roger’s still at the bar.” Deaky mumbled, kicking off his shoes and finally looking towards the living room, where a meek and red-faced Brian sat. Deaky sighed loudly and let go of Freddie, causing him to stumble now that he was solely responsible for holding his own weight. Deaky floated to the couch, sitting beside Brian and pulling him into a gentle hug. Brian’s eyes widened slightly, it wasn’t like Deaky to offer around hugs without considerable cause – which made Brian wonder; if Deaky was hugging him so tight, was Roger shagging a girl as they spoke? The thought alone made his bottom lip quiver. 

“Are you okay?” Freddie mumbled, staggered somewhat as he reached the couch. He rested his forearms on the back on the couch and put a gentle hand in Brian’s curls, playing with them in an attempt to soothe Brian. 

“Obviously not.” Deaky said emotionlessly, glaring at Freddie. “Roger is probably having sex with some bird with questionable morals as we speak. He should be here with Brian… who he likes a lot.” Deaky muttered. The words cut through Brian like a knife and confirmed what he’d already feared. 

“He doesn’t…” Brian mumbled into Deaky’s shoulder. “He doesn’t like me. If he liked me he wouldn’t have…” He trailed off, not wanting to say the words. 

“We both know that to be untrue.” Deaky stated. “Roger likes a lot of things and still continues to fuck them over – he’s a twat. It’s what he does.” He mumbled; Brian could hear a hint of a grin in his voice. He pulled back and looked at the upturned lips on Deaky’s smug face. “He’s an idiot, a fuckhead – he’s a piece of moldy bread that you found in a public bathroom.” He chuckled, and Brian couldn’t help but laugh. “He doesn’t realise what he had – but be fucked if he’s not going to realise what he’s lost.” Deaky smirked. Brian grinned at him widely; it felt good to have Deaky on his side. The young man spoke up so infrequently, that having him show visible emotion on his behalf made him feel really looked after. 

“Thanks, Deaky.” He whispered, letting the younger man – and now Freddie – envelope him in a group hug. 

 

It was 9:00am. The three men sat around the small dining table, sipping their teas, eating their breakfast or reading the paper. It was a comfortable silence; one that only seemed to exist when Roger wasn’t around. He could never stay calm and quiet for too long – even Freddie appreciated a good quiet breakfast. Just as Brian was pondering how much he enjoyed his tea without a side of table top drumming, there was a heavy knock on the door. Deaky gave the other two men a sharp look over his newspaper; Freddie wasn’t looking, so Brian knew he had to answer the door. Bringing his tea with him, he slowly opened the door, muscles still not ready to be awake. 

“It’s nine in the morning on a Sunday; shouldn’t these people be at church?” Brian called back to Deaky, who didn’t respond with much more than a forced chuckle. Brian forced the door open – he was met with bloodshot blue eyes; blonde, scraggly hair surrounding them and the feminine face they resided on. It was Roger. 

“Rog-“ Brian said softly, but loud enough that Freddie and Deaky had already risen from their chairs and started towards the front door. “What are you doing here?” He mumbled, their eyes still on each other. Roger’s face contorted slightly. 

“I live here?” He questioned, his voice raspy and quiet. Brian bit his lip, feeling a bit like an idiot. Of course Roger was just coming home – just needing a bed to crash in after a big night. He didn’t have an explanation for Brian – though Brian felt largely like he deserved one, he knew he wouldn’t get it from Roger. 

“Not right now you don’t.” It was Deaky’s voice coming from right behind Brian’s ear. It was cold and sharp, and pointed completely at Roger. 

“What?” Roger mumbled, clearly not getting where Deaky was getting at. 

“You don’t live here. Not until you learn you be less of a wanker.” Deaky said bluntly. 

“Are you joking?” Roger said angrily, and Brian could sense he was getting ready to square up. 

“Do I look like I’m joking?” Deaky quipped back calmly. 

“Where am I supposed to go?” He questioned, standing up a little taller as he stared Deaky down. 

“I don’t know. Go for a walk, play in the snow – visit a brothel for all I care; s’not like it’s beneath you.” He said sinisterly, causing Roger to take a small step back. Brian could tell how the smaller man shrunk at the way Deaky spoke to him. 

“Whatever; fuck you guys.” Roger muttered under his breath, beginning to walk away. He stopped just before he was out of sight and turned. He was met with a disapproving Freddie, a look of death from Deaky, and he top of Brian’s head as he daren’t look Roger in the eye again. “By the way…” He began. “I didn’t fucking sleep with anyone.” He spat before exiting the hallway quickly. Brian released the breath he as holding; he could barely see, his vision was so blurry from holding his eyes shut to prevent tears. He wasn’t sure he believed Roger – how could he? He’d lied to him only hours earlier, and he didn’t want to get his hopes up to be let down with the knowledge that Roger most certainly did sleep with someone. It appeared Deaky most definitely didn’t believe Roger, judging by the myriad of insults he muttered under his breath. 

“Deaky, dear. Don’t let him fret you. It’s not worth it.” Freddie mumbled, following the clearly annoyed younger man. 

“How is it not worth it?” Deaky spat. “It’s one thing to sit back and watch Roger cheat on all his girlfriends and sleep around – but to willfully sit back and let him do that to Brian? Be fucked.” He snapped, the anger so evident in his voice that it made Brian flinch. 

“Deaky… it’s alright. Please don’t let it upset you.” Brian whispered, hoping to calm him down a little. 

“How can I not let it get to me, Brian? I see the way you look at him. You haven’t had more than a handful of hookups, let alone a serious partner since I joined Queen; and do you really think I’m so dumb that I don’t know why? It’s because you’ve made a point of being available to Roger – whenever he needs, wherever he needs. Before a gig, at rehearsals, in the studio – heck, you literally go into his room when he can’t sleep and help him get back to bed. What kind of a friend does that for years on end, only to have their supposed friend treat them like shit!” Deaky was now yelling, Brian could see the spit coming from his slender lips as he ranted. “It’s bullshit, Brian. You deserve so much better than that piece of shit – you always have. This is just the cherry on top. You think we can’t find another drummer – he’s not that good!” Deaky yelled; Brian knew it was a lie. Deaky had told him a little after they had first gotten Deaky in the band that he thought Roger was one of the most passionate and unique drummers he’d ever seen. Brian knew he was just angry, but he was verging too close to seriousness for everyone’s comfort. 

“Alright… that’s enough!” Freddie spoke up. “Roger deserves what he’s got coming – but kicking him out of the band is not one of those things. I think everyone needs to calm down; separate and calm down.” He said calmly. That’s exactly what they did, Deaky stormed off angrily to his room, Freddie remained in the dining room and Brian left to get in the shower – he needed a minute or two to clear his head after the morning he’d had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think - I love to read your comments!


	8. Chapter 8

Brian exited the bathroom with his dripping hair wrapped in a towel. He’d stood in the shower staring blankly into nothingness; he wouldn’t be surprised if Freddie was about to chew him out for running up the water bill. 

“How are you feeling, dear?” Freddie said kindly, looking over the back of the sofa at him. Brian just nodded slightly, trying to make sure the towel didn’t fall off his head. Freddie gave him a sad smile and opened his arms slightly. Brian was almost embarrassed that Freddie seemed to be treading with such caution – it wasn’t like they hadn’t all had their fair share of being dumped; but Brian understood why this was a bit different. 

“I’m okay, Fred.” He whispered, although he’d be lying if he said the hug didn’t look pretty appealing. He’d wished it was Roger; as stupid as it seemed to still be pining over Roger, and despite the fact that the man more than likely cheated on him, Brian was still thinking about him. He wondered where he was – and if he was okay; and almost like he was speaking his thoughts out loud, Freddie spoke. 

“Roger’s a big boy, Brian. He’s okay.” He said calmly; Freddie’s voice was so calming that Brian couldn’t help but nod with genuine commitment. Freddie gently pat the spot beside him on the couch; Brian meekly shuffled over and plopped himself down, letting out a guttural huff as he did so. 

“I feel like an idiot…” Brian admitted, tipping his clothed head onto the back of the couch. 

“Well, you shouldn’t.” The voice came from behind Brian. He tried to tip his head back to look back at Deaky, but decided against it when the towel began to come off of his head. He turned and looked at Deaky. “He’s the idiot.” He stated, moving to sit in between them. “He’s the idiot that lost someone as great as you.” He mumbled, nudging Brian gently. Brian let out a heavy sigh. Deaky made all the sense in the world – he always did. What Roger did was a dick move, and Brian did deserve better; so he really didn’t want to admit that he was still thinking about Roger and the previous morning they’d had. 

“Where do you think he is?” Brian mumbled, looking nervously at his friends. Judging by the looks on their faces, and the quick glance they exchanged, they knew how he was feeling. 

“Who gives a shit?” Deaky snapped under his breath. 

“What Deaks means, dear is… it doesn’t matter. Try and get your mind off of him.” Freddie softly, placing a gentle hand on Deaky’s thigh, and whispering something stern under his breath that Brian couldn’t quite manage. 

“I just… is it not a bit harsh to send him off onto the street like that? He would have been so hungover – maybe still even drunk.” Brian said softly, his voice quivering for reasons he didn’t quite understand. 

“Poor Roger.” Deaky butted in harshly. Brian noticed the way Freddie’s manicured fingers tightened on the younger boys thigh. “Poor little Roger who has a bit of a headache because he was out all night having sex with some girl, not 12 hours after he told you he liked you.” He spat. Brian’s body tensed up at the way Deaky articulated it.

“John-“ Freddie interrupted; his grip now accompanied by a forceful shake. 

“No!” He practically yelled, standing up. “It’s ridiculous that you’re both defending him!” He yelled. “He cheated on you.” He said to Brian, his eyes wide. 

“We’re not defending him, dear. I really think you need to calm down.” Freddie practically whispered, looking up at a view of John he had never seen before. 

“Fine! I’ll calm down.” He snapped. “I’ll calm down and you two can go get Roger from wherever he is. Take him back in; let him cheat on Brian like he cheats on every other thing that he makes eye contact with.” He groaned, starting to march back to his room. “You’re absolutely bonkers if you truly think you’re more than a quick lay to him – and last night proved that.” He said lowly, anger seeping from every syllable he spat at Brian. Despite the tumultuous anger, Brian knew Deaky wasn’t mad at him – frustrated with him, sure. But he wasn’t mad at anyone but Roger. Unfortunately, it seemed he was the only one mad at Roger 

 

It was 7:30pm when there was another knock at the door. Freddie sprung from his spot on the couch and went to open it. 

“Roger!” He gleamed, as cheerfully as he could manage in that moment. “What’s brought you crawling back, darling?” He teased, looking him once over, before frowning shortly. 

“May I come back home now? It’s bloody freezing out there.” Roger mumbled, the chattering of his teeth making themselves known through his words. Brian couldn’t see Roger from behind Freddie – but he could hear him; and the younger man’s words broke his heart. Freddie looked as if he was about to speak up; Brian wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but he wasn’t going to give Freddie the chance to send him away again. 

“Yes.” He said as confidently as he could manage. “Yes, you can come back home now.” Brian reiterated, craning his neck around enough that he and Roger met eyes when Freddie turning to look at him with surprise. Roger beamed at Brian, and for half a second, Brian couldn’t recall a single wrong thing that the blonde boy had done. Brian stood from the couch and slowly walked over to the pair. “We were going to order a takeaway. What do you feel like?” He said softly, staring down at Roger, trying to make his face anything but smitten. 

“I- I don’t mind; whatever you guys want.” He mumbled, finally taking off his coat as the door shut behind him. “Where’s Deaky?” He finally added. Brian and Freddie shared a worried look. 

“He’s in his room, dear.” Freddie began. “But, it might be wise for the two of you to keep your distance for a little bit. Tensions are high, as you can imagine; and I wouldn’t put it past dear Deaky to try and strangle you with him guitar strap given the chance.” Freddie said, as jovially as he could despite the subject matter. Roger let out the most genuinely nervous sound Brian had ever heard. 

“I think… I think I’m going to have a quick shower if that’s okay… Let me know when the food’s here.” He mumbled, snaking past them towards the bathroom. “There’s some cash on my dresser.” He muttered back at them as he pushed the bathroom door open. Brian and Freddie shared a sad look before Freddie reached for the stack of menus by the door. 

“Chinese? Or pizza? Or fish and chips?” He said softly, flipping through the menus. Brian shrugged as he looked over the smaller man’s shoulder. As they were reading menus, they were oblivious the door opening behind them. 

“Was that Roger?” Deaky questioned quietly, walking up to them. 

“Chinese, pizza, or fish and chips for dinner?” Freddie asked, ignoring his prior question. 

“Pizza, please,” Deaky stated simply. “Now, was that Roger?” He repeated, now looking at Brian. Brian bit his lip hard and looked away; he felt awful lying to Deaky considering he was really the only one standing up for the injustices against him – plus, they couldn’t hide from each other in the same flat forever. Brian just nodded. Deaky let out a frustrated groan and walked into the living room, throwing his head back. Brian gave Freddie a nervous look, but he was ushered away by Freddie, who was now waiting on the phone to the pizza place. Brian shuffled away uncomfortably, finding a seat beside Deaky on the couch. There was some rerun of an old show on, but neither of the boys were paying any attention. Brian was nervously fiddling with his hand while Deaky looked him up and down. “I just don’t understand how you’re not upset about this?” Deaky finally spoke. Brian looked up at him, a bit surprised. 

“Of course I’m upset, Deaky.” Brian said softly, breaking eye contact once again. “I’m heartbroken.” He admitted. “But… I’m not angry. I- I don’t know why… but, I’m not.” He stated, his voice small in comparison to the unusually vocal tone Deaky had been exhibiting that morning. 

“But, how are you not angry? He cheated on you!” Deaky said, frustration evident in his voice. 

“We’re not together… so it’s not really cheating if-“ Brian began, but as cut off by Deaky almost immediately. 

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Brian! Stop sticking up for him! Stop treating him like some kind of prince and have some god dam self-respect!” He snapped; but Brian could tell by the change of expression that he instantly regretted the words he spoke. “I- I didn’t mean it like that…” He said quietly, his voice more reminiscent of the quiet and refrained Deakty that were used to. “I just-“ he began, but let out a quiet sigh after a little while. “I just think you’re so great, Brian.” He admitted; and Brian would have been lying if he said he wasn’t blushing a little. “You’re so kind and sweet, and you would never intentionally hurt anyone or anything. I just can’t understand why you’d think you have to settle for such a tosspot!” He said, getting a bit too into words. “You could have literally any guy you wanted… and you want Roger?” he questioned, screwing up his face. “It just doesn’t make sense. It’s like you don’t see how fantastic you are; you think you deserve someone like Roger… you don’t.” He said in almost a whisper. Brian couldn’t help but grin. 

“Thank you, Deaky.” He whispered, placing an arm gently around his shoulder and pulling him into a hug. He fully expected Deaky to pull away, still too angry and flustered to except any kind of affection; but he stayed there. He let his head rest in the crook of Brian’s neck and stayed there. After a few moments of calmness, Brian let out a soft exhale. “I think I should go talk to Roger.” Brian said softly, worried about how Deaky would react. Deaky sighed softly and nodded. 

“Just promise me you’ll hit him?” He asked, a small smile on his face; although, Brian couldn’t be sure that Deaky would hold anything against him if he did hit him. Brian just rolled his eyes and stood from the couch, slowly shuffling to Roger’s room. He knocked thrice on the door, hoping the younger man was out of the shower. He heard and gentle ‘come in’, and pushed the door open slowly. Roger was sitting on his bed wearing just his joggers. 

“Hey.” Brian said awkwardly, carefully shutting the door behind him. 

“Hey.” Roger returned, looking up at Brian, his nerves practically seeping from his pores. “Can we talk?” Roger added. 

“No; I came in here just to stare at you.” Brian chuckled, glad that the smaller man returned the gesture. Brian slowly moved to sit beside Roger, angling his body to face him. 

“I’m sorry… about everything. I’m such a dick. I shouldn’t have flirt with that bird. I don’t even know-“ Roger began rambling. Brian let out a loud sigh. 

“Roger… I don’t want you to talk for a second. Just… let me go, please?” He said softly; Roger nodded immediately. “You really fucking hurt me.” Brian said softly. “Seeing you flirting with that girl… and touching her back, and arms, and hands like that… it was like you punched me in the face.” He admitted. “I told you that I liked you, and you told me you liked me… which takes a lot of guts, I think. So, it makes me feel like utter shit that you practically disregarded that.” He whispered, his eyes focused on his twiddling thumbs. “Deaky has a right to be angry; and so do I – I’m not… but you couldn’t blame me if I was, right?” He paused and awaiting Roger’s guilty nod. “I just want to know that if we’re going to do this – whatever it is… that you’re in it with me. Not in it for a quick shag when you can’t pick up after a show… it in for everything.” He sighed. Roger nodded quickly, not meaning to cut Brian off as he lunged forward frantically, gripping Brian’s upper arms. 

“I am! I am, Brian. I’m in it for everything – every morning, noon and night with you. I want to cuddle you and kiss you… in front of everyone. I want them to know that you’re mine – all mine.” He pleaded. “Please, Brian. Please give me a second chance.” He begged. 

“I- I…” Brian trailed off. “Don’t tell Deaky.” He whispered, a smirk on his lips. “Just as long as nothing like that ever happens again, okay?” Roger nodded immediately. “If I ever see you so much glance at a pretty girl like that, let alone flirt with her – you will live on the street.” Brian chuckled; Roger took it with the utmost seriousness, giving him a short nod before falling forward and into Brian’s chest, hugging him tightly. The pair remained like that for a while, the quietness around them finally calm rather than tense. After what felt like an eternity in each other’s arms, Brian pulled back and looked down at Roger. “Rog… I know you didn’t cheat on me – I trust you. I promise.” He whispered, a soft grin on his face. His grin however, was met with more of a grimace. Suddenly, the air was back to tense. “Roger?” Brian said a little louder, no other emotion coursing through his body than fear. “Roger?” he repeated. “You said you didn’t sleep with anyone…” He said softly, forcing his voice not to get stuck in his throat. Roger wouldn’t look Brian in the eye – and that was all the confirmation he needed… that’s when Brian knew. He moved away from Roger, trying to hide how devastated he was. 

“Look… I-“ Roger began, but cut himself off upon realising he really didn’t have a leg to stand on. “I- I didn’t want to raise suspicions…” He mumbled. “I couldn’t chat up a girl and not take her home.” He defended. “I had to go along with the image – otherwise they’re gonna start calling us Queer instead of Queen.” He exclaimed; if that was his idea of lightening the mood, Brian wasn’t having it. “Brian…” Roger finally mumbled when the older man wasn’t answering. 

“I think I should go back to my room.” He stated emotionlessly, already standing and shuffling out the door. Roger tried to call him back, but his attempts were clearly in vain. 

That night, Brian didn’t sleep. He could hear Roger’s nightmarish cries from the room next door. There were a few times he almost went in there – but then, he would close his eyes, and the image of the faceless floozy and Roger in her apartment made Brian sick, and he suddenly didn’t feel so bad about letting Roger suffer through a nightmare for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the support! It means so much! Please, let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions or requests :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've just been updating this whenever I get a spare chance to write, but let me know if it's too much or if you'd like me to get a schedule going on something

“Brian! Rehearsals are in an hour. Get up!” It was Freddie, shaking him awake overdramatically. Brian groaned loudly as he rolled over, his hair practically a bird’s nest in his face. “Get up!” Freddie repeated, valiantly ripping Brian’s sheets off of him and prancing out the room. “We’re leaving in 15!” He called, once already out the door. Brian shivered madly in the winter weather, bringing his knees to his chest in an attempt to preserve his own body heat. He let out a belated and frustrated groan. He didn’t feel like getting out of bed; he didn’t want to see anyone. Not Roger; and especially not John. He really didn’t want to look him in the eye and admit he was right; and gods forbid the fight that was going to ensue between John and Roger when Brian confirmed John’s suspicions. He groaned again and slung his heavy-feeling legs off the bed, pushing himself reluctantly to a standing position. He got dressed as quickly as his tired body would allow and ventured to the lounge room in the hope that a) his bandmates would not be there – wishful thinking; and b) there would already be breakfast prepared – quite the paradox, really. He reached the table, successfully avoiding making eye contact with his friends; there was a steaming cup of tea where he usually sat. He reached for it and took a sip – made just how he liked it. 

“Thank you…” he mumbled, finally looking up to try and meet the gaze of whoever had been so thoughtful. His eyes met Freddie’s, who was standing behind the table by the front door. He made a point at Roger, who wasn’t looking up from the cereal before him. Brian couldn’t help but frown. He was so conflicted; on one hand, he wanted to run up and hug Roger and smother him in a million kisses, just for making him a cup of tea. But, there was also a part of him that wanted to hurl the tea cup at his head. He glanced quickly at John, who wore a somewhat disgusted look on his face, staring at Roger. Freddie, clearly sensing the general unease in the room, clapping his hands and announced loudly: 

“Alright! Enough moping, you lot. I’m going to have to share a flat with you three for the rest of my life if we don’t get better at playing together – and how shall we do that?” he said condescendingly. “By rehearsing – wow, shocker!” He chuckled. “Get up and let’s go.” He said more snappily. 

 

When they reached the warehouse that they had been using for rehearsals, they set up in silence, aside from Freddie’s occasional comments, mostly met with more silence. The first couple of run throughs were awkward and clunky – no one was working together. It was made evident by the way that Roger and John couldn’t stay in time to save themselves. 

“You’re speeding up.” Deaky muttered under his breath, fiddling with a few of the knobs on his bass. 

“Maybe you’re just playing too slowly.” Roger quipped back quietly. Brian thought that if Roger knew how angry John had been with him while he was gone the day prior, he might think twice about back-chatting him. 

“That seems logical, especially considering you’re the only one playing fast.” He muttered, now looking at Roger, sitting into his hip. 

“Because it sounds better – why are we playing it so slow anyway?” Roger groaned, tipping his head back and rolling his eyes. 

“That’s the way it was written.” John stated defiantly. 

“Maybe it needs to be rewritten.” Roger snapped back quickly. 

“Alright.” John began, turning to Brian; Brian could see the instant regret on Roger’s face. “Brian; do you think YOUR song needs more rewrites, because Roger does.” He said, in a bitchy tone reminiscent of something Freddie would say. “Right, Roger?” It was as if Freddie was inhabiting John’s body as he turned back to Roger with a look of death that made Roger visibly quiver. “Darling.” He added slyly, staring Roger down. 

“I think… I think it could be a little faster – maybe?” Roger whispered, so small in comparison to the Roger that had been fighting for rewrites just minutes earlier. 

“That’s very interesting, Roger.” John began, as he slipping his bass off and taking a step closer to Roger. Brian just swallowed thickly, not prepared for whatever ultimate fighting championship as about to go down before him; Freddie had a wide grin on his face, clearly excited by the drama. “I think a lot of things – we all do. But, I feel as if the rest of us may be wise enough – and perhaps polite enough – not to voice some of those things.” He said in the driest, but concerningly polite tone Brian had ever heard. “It’s the same with the things we do, right?” He continued, shooting Roger a look, who had now sunk even further down into his stool. 

“Deaky… don’t.” Roger whispered. 

“Don’t what? It’s not like we don’t all know. You might still have Brian wrapped around your little finger, but I’m not an idiot – you weren’t that drunk! You knew exactly what you were doing!” John snapped, his voice now approaching a genuine yell. 

“Why do you care, John?” Roger snapped back, nowhere near as loud as John. “It has nothing to do with you. Brian can fight his own battles. He doesn’t need you pining over him.” Roger spat. 

“I’m standing up for him!” John yelled. It was as if Roger gained a sudden bout of confidence. He stood also, looking down at John from his drum riser. 

“But why do you need to stand up for him? He’s 25 years old, for fuck’s sake!” Roger yelled back. Brian wished in that moment he was invisible; not that Roger or John had so much as glanced at him since they began fighting. It seemed that Freddie was also reaching his limit on dealing with the fighting between the two younger members. 

“Alright, dears. That’s enough. How about we take five… or fifteen; and we can regroup and continue.” He said softly, gently touching John’s arm. 

“Seriously?” John spoke up. “That’s crap. I don’t understand why you both keep defending him. He’s an absolute wanker!” John snapped, finally turning away from Roger at Freddie’s request. 

“At least I know Brian likes me.” Roger mumbled lowly, but they all heard it – after that, you could have heard a pin drop. John slowly turned back around to Roger, his lips pursed tightly in anger. 

“If it didn’t cost us most of our savings for that stupid drum kit…” John began, his voice like poison directed straight at Roger. “I would launch myself over that thing and punch you in the throat.” He spat, turning around and quickly exiting. Brian could feel the anger permeating from John, but he could also see as he exited the way tears started to form in his eyes. Freddie followed John out the room, leaving just Roger and Brian. 

“Bri-“ Roger began. 

“Don’t.” Brian said seriously, unslinging his guitar. “You really need to know when to stop talking…” Brian sighed loudly, following the other two men out the door. 

 

Brian, John and Freddie had gone back to the flat immediately following the incident, once again leaving Roger to his own devices. As soon as they got back to the flat, John had disappeared into his room. After a few minutes of silence as Brian and Freddie sat at the table, Brian stood slowly. 

“Do you think it’d be a bad idea if I went and spoke to him?” He whispered. Freddie shook his head fondly. 

“I think it might actually make things better – he’s quite panicked, dear.” He said softly, a grin on his face. Brian nodded nervously and ventured to John’s bedroom door. He knocked carefully. 

“John. It’s just me. Can I come in?” Brian asked quietly; there was no answer. He carefully pushed the door open to see a lump on the bed. He smiled fondly and stepped closer to said lump. Brian could see by how tightly John’s eyes were screwed shut that he most definitely wasn’t asleep. He sat beside him on the bed, fearing that if he waited for an invitation, he’s be standing forever. “John… it’s okay.” He whispered, placing a careful hand on John’s side. 

“I’m sorry, Brian…”John whispered, still not opening his eyes. Brian couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry up.” He smirked, lifting his hand to John’s hair. “You’re going to get a headache from holding your eyes shut like that.” Brian laughed. John’s eyes relaxed, but still didn’t open. 

“I’m such an idiot…” John whispered. 

“Now you sound like me.” Brian chuckled. “Am I as bad of a catch as Roger? Man, that hurts.” Brian laughed; he even saw John crack a small smile. 

“No!” He said quickly, chuckling softly. “You’re the complete opposite.” He mumbled. “I’m just such an idiot for thinking you’d choose someone like me over someone like Roger… even if he is an asshat.” John whispered. Brian couldn’t help but laugh at John’s insult. 

“I’m sorry, John. I really am.” He whispered. “I like Roger… and there are days – like these last couple – where I wish I didn’t. But I do… I can’t do anything about that.” Brian said softly. “It’s the same with you… if I could see myself with someone as wonderful and sweet as you... instead of an asshat like Rog…” He chuckled. “I’m sure I’d be much happier.” He said softly, brushing gentle pieces of hair from John’s face. “Plus… There’s someone out there that’s so much better for you than me. If I like Roger, I must be a bit of an asshat myself.” He chuckled, receiving a stifled laugh in return. 

“I guess you’re right.” John teased, a small smile on his lips. “Thanks, Brian.” He grinned, earning a warm hug from the man above him. “I’m sorry for causing such a fuss in rehearsals earlier.” He mumbled. Brian just shook his head. 

“It’s fine. I think you really put Roger in his place.” Brian chuckled. “He still isn’t home. I’m not sure where he is – probably at the pub.” Brian whispered, rolling his eyes. They sat in a comfortable silence for a little bit.

“I know this is probably weird, but… can we cuddle?” John asked quietly. “As friends; I promise!” he said quickly. Brian chuckled and nodded, crawling over to cuddle into the back of John. He placed a gentle kiss to the back on John’s head. 

 

Brian wasn’t sure when, but at some point they had both fallen asleep. Brian awoke to the sound of banging and crashing. It wasn’t like angry crashing – more messy. He stayed still for a few moments, hoping it was just Freddie trying to cook something extravagant. It wasn’t until light came streaming through the dark window that he and John both sat up quickly. It was Roger – and he was drunk. 

“What the fuck?” he slurred. “You’re sleeping with Deaky? You’ve moved on already? Deaky, how could you?” He rambled. He wasn’t angry… in fact, Brian could see in the dimly lit room that Roger had most definitely been crying. His face was puffy and his cheeks were still wet; not to mention the constant sniffling. Brian quickly stood up and reached over to grip Roger’s shoulders. “Please, Brian. I’m sorry. Don’t leave me for Deaky. I promise I’ll be better.” He continued, clearly getting himself worked up. 

“Roger, calm down.” Brian said sternly. Roger clearly wasn’t listening, as he was just getting more panicked as he continued sobbing. Brian actually felt bad, and judging by the glance he threw at John, he might have too. He tightened his grip on Roger’s arms and pulled him to the bathroom. He sat him on the closed toilet and wet a cloth. Brian ran the cloth gently over Roger’s cheeks and forehead, before pressing it the back on his neck, hoping the freezing cloth would sober him up a little. Roger had started to come down, either from the cold cloth or Brian’s soothing sounds. He was still breathing quickly and he kept getting small sobs stuck in his throat, but he wasn’t still hyperventilating like he had been. 

“Br- Bri- Brian!” he cried, his shoulders shaking. 

“Roger!” Brian half-snapped at him. “You have got to calm down. Pull yourself together, mate.” He said calmly. Roger frowned at him. 

“I’m sorry…” He whispered. “For everything.” He sniffled, leaning into the cold cloth Brian had pressed to his neck. 

“Don’t just let me you’re sorry, Rog… prove it.” Brian responded quietly. Roger shot him a confused look. 

“Do you want to be together?” Brian said softly. Roger nodded quickly. Brian sighed and moved his hand to continue wiping tears and snot from Roger’s face like he was a child. “Then prove to me that you can be in a relationship with me… no more flirting and womanizing; I don’t care if it’s a joke. Show me that I mean enough to you that you can actually stand to be in a relationship.” Brian said quietly. Roger just nodded quickly in response. “Do that and you’re forgiven.” Brian whispered. Roger launched his drunken self forward to hug Brian tightly. 

“I love you, Brian.” Roger slurred. 

“You’re drunk, Roger.” Brian responded dryly, returning the smaller man’s hug as he rubbed his back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not particularly fond of this chapter - I don't know why. Let me know what you think :)


	10. Chapter 10

That night, Brian had put Roger to sleep in his bed. He fell asleep pretty quickly, considering how drunk and overwhelmed he was. Brian grabbed some spare pillows and blankets and went to sleep on the couch. He clearly wasn’t opposed to sharing a bed with Roger, seeing as how often they did it when Roger was having a nightmare. But tonight, it felt inappropriate; like he’d be taking advantage of Roger or being selfish if he stayed in bed. He knew it was stupid; Roger does inappropriate and selfish stuff all the time – but Brian knew it would eat away at him if he did. So, he curled up on the couch that was far too short for him and tried his best to get a decent sleep. Just as he thought he was in a position he as capable of falling asleep in, he heard a door creak open and soft footsteps patter down the hallway. He sighed loudly and rolling his eyes, assuming it was Roger coming to bother him about something else. 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to wake you.” He quiet voice spoke from behind the couch. It was Deaky – and he must have heard Brian huffing about the noise. Brian sat up and looked at him – there goes the comfortable sleeping position. 

“Oh, no, no. It’s all good, Deaky. I thought you were Roger.” Brian said softly. A small smile spread over John’s face. 

“That’s rude.” He teased, sharing a smirk with Brian. “Why are you sleeping out here? Roger threw up in your bed?” He chuckled. Brian smiled and shook his head, curls tossing about. 

“No. Roger’s in my bed. So, I’m out here.” He said softly, adjusting his seating position to better look at John. John gave him a deep frown. 

“Why is he in your bed? And if he’s in your bed, why don’t you just sleep in his bed? That’s got to be better than the couch.” John said softly, moving to lean on the back of the couch. 

“I don’t know… that’s just where I put him. He was so drunk; I wasn’t going to try and wrestle him through another room.” Brian sighed softly. “And, I really don’t like sleeping in Roger’s bed. He’s had a lot of women in there and it just gives me the heebie-jeebies.” Brian mumbled, looking at his lap. John frowned back at him. 

“Why don’t you sleep in my room?” He said softly. Brian looked up at him with a soft smile. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude?” He muttered. 

“It’s fine!” John assured. “I don’t mind sleeping in Roger’s bed – provided I don’t catch any communicable diseases.” He chuckled, reaching out his hand to help Brian stand up. Brian took it and walked slowly to John’s bedroom, still holding the flurry of blankets and pillows. 

“Alright – if you’re sure. But, I’m not making any promises about the communicable diseases.” Brian teased; both men laughed as they entered John’s bedroom. John adjusted his pillows and jostled the blanket a little, trying to make it more presentable for Brian. 

“Just- umm… make yourself comfortable. Let me know if you need anything, yeah.” John said softly.

“I think I can manage. I do live here, remember?” He chuckled. John nodded, now a bit red in the face. “John…” Brian began. “You should sleep in here too… I don’t want to kick you out. Besides, your bed is big enough for the both of us.” Brian said softly. John swallowed thickly and stared down the older man. 

“Are you sure?” He mumbled, fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. Brian nodded quickly; John silently moved to slip into bed beside Brian. 

“I wouldn’t be making this offer if you slept naked.” Brian joked once they were both comfortable. John let out a breathy laugh through his nose. Both of them adjusted a little more before the room fell silent for a moment. 

“What did you come into the lounge room for, anyway?” Brian asked eventually. 

“Oh- uhh… just some water…” John mumbled quietly. 

“Did you want to go get it?” Brian chuckled softly. 

“No… I’m fine.” John whispered, before the room fell silent for the remainder of the night

________ 

The next morning, Brian woke up, slightly entangled with John. Brian’s arm was outstretched and John’s head was resting on it. He didn’t want to wake John, but he was desperate for the bathroom. He was able to maneuver his arm out from under the younger man’s head, sneaking quietly off to the bathroom. After he was finished, he made his way to the kitchen to find Roger and Freddie already up. It was unusual for them to be up before Brian, so he wondered what the time may have been.

“Morning!” Freddie sung from behind a cup of tea. 

“Morning.” He mumbled back, moving to sit beside Roger. “Morning.” He repeated, just to Roger this time. Roger didn’t say anything in response, just looking down at his breakfast. “You alright? Hangover hit you too hard this time?” Brian teased, nudging Roger’s arm slowly. 

“Did you and Deaky have a good night?” He mumbled, ignoring Brian’s questions. 

“What?” Brian asked softly, a small smile still on his face. 

“I said…” Roger began, now more rage evident in his voice. “Did you and Deaky have a good night?” He spat, standing from the table and moving to take his bowl to the kitchen. Brian got up and immediately followed him. 

“Roger… what on earth are you talking about?” Brian sighed, trying to get Roger to stop moving around for half a second. 

“Don’t play dumb, Brian!” Roger called back. “You two slept together. That’s real fucking hypocritical, you know? Telling me that I have to be faithful and then getting in bed with our band mate – who you know likes you, I might add – not even two hours later. You fucking slag.” He rambled. Brian was taken aback by just how angry Roger was. Brian moved closer to him, blocking him by the sink, unable to exit the kitchen. 

“Now wait just a damn minute, Roger.” Brian said sternly. Roger gave him a deathly look. “I did not sleep with John… I mean, I did sleep with him technically. But, we didn’t have sex. We shared a bed – that’s all.” He explained. Roger just responded with an eye roll. “I’m serious, Rog.” Brian said forcefully, gripping Roger’s hips tightly as he tried to push past the older man. “I didn’t have sex with John – but if I did… you don’t really have a leg to stand on, do you?” He asked, a glint of anger in his eyes. Roger was quiet for a moment, trying to avoid Brian’s gaze as he stared him down

“I don’t get why you couldn’t have stayed in your own bed… with me?” Roger asked quietly. Brian let out a quiet and frustrated sigh. 

“Because, I’m not going to put you in a position where you could be taken advantage of – not that I would do that… but, I just felt like it was the most appropriate thing to do…” He said softly, seeming to calm down. 

“Did you also feel that getting into bed with Deaky was the most appropriate thing to do?” Roger rebutted quickly. Brian rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated groan. 

“You know what, Rog? I did. I did think it was appropriate, because unlike you, I have some self-control, and I can get into bed with someone – regardless of whether their putting out or not!” He snapped, frustrated. 

“I would have put out…” Roger mumbled. 

“That’s not the point, Roger!” Brian yelled, his grip subconsciously tightened on Roger’s hips. Roger let out a strangled wince. 

“Bri- you’re hurting me.” He whispered, tears immediately making their way to his eyes. Brian looked down at his hands and immediately pulled them away, before moving carefully to rub Roger’s hips, instantly realising that he was maybe a little too angry and taking a bit too much of it out on Roger.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Brian said immediately, his voice a hushed whispered. “I- I didn’t mean to get so angry Roger… I just… I’m so upset – and to be honest, a little angry – about the fact that you slept with someone. I would never do that… so for you to accuse me…” He trailed off, still rubbing gentle circles on Roger’s exposed hips with thumbs. 

“I- I’m sorry too.” Roger whispered, tears still threatening to stream down his face. “You- you and Deaky are perfect for each other.” He admitted. “I thought that after I had… had cheated on you… and then made a toss of myself last night, that you might have changed your mind…” he mumbled. As he finished, his eyes trailed off behind Brian’s shoulder, where Freddie – and a now awake – John were standing, watching them both with shocked expressions. Roger’s face went a little red and he pushed past Brian. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, escaping to his own bedroom. Brian groaned softly, turning to look at Freddie and John. He gave them both a questioning look. 

“What on earth do I do now?” he sighed softly. 

“Go talk to him, dear.” Freddie said sweetly. 

“Or, give him a little while to calm down.” John added quietly. 

“Or… suck his dick – I’m sure that will fix everything, darling.” Freddie smirked, earning a slap to the arm from John. Brian let out another groan and pushed past them towards the bedroom. 

“There’s condoms and lube in my top drawer if you get carried away!” Freddie called back, hearing nothing but a mortified grunt from Brian as the door to Roger’s bedroom closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think - if it's getting too angsty or whatever. Would love to hear your suggestions! :)
> 
> Thanks as always!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow - hey, hello. Sorry about the unbelievable hiatus; shit really hit the fan around my neck of the woods. But alas, I have returned - that being said, I completely understand if no one remembers this fic, because I legit had to reread the entire thing before I could write another chapter. Anyway, please enjoy and let me know what you think lol :)

Brian made it all the way to Roger’s door frame before he stopped himself. Of course he wanted to go in there and make everything better; he wanted to hold Roger and tell him that they were perfect for each other, regardless of the excess drama. But, he was also trying to be honest with himself; Roger cheated on him, and despite how much they perhaps fancied one another, Roger was undeniably - a mess. Brian knocked tentatively, waiting outside the door when he heard nothing in response. 

“Roger. Can I come in?” He called, remaining impatiently waiting when he heard nothing again. “I’m going to come in, okay?” He mumbled as he moved to push open the door. 

“Don’t.” He heard the small voice travel through the slightly ajar door. “I want to be alone… please?” His voice was so small and quivered in comparison to how Roger usually spoke, and if Brian didn’t want to go in there and engulf him in a hug before, he sure did now. 

“Are you sure, Roger? I just want to make sure you’re okay. Did you want a hug?” Brian called, his head getting closer and closer to peeking through the gap in the door. 

“I don’t deserve a hug.” Roger muttered, which caused Brian to step through the door completely. 

“Of course you do, Rog.” He mumbled, brows knitted together with concern. “Why wouldn’t you deserve a hug?” Brian asked, slowly moving to the bed, where Roger was curled up with his back to Brian. 

“I cheated on you, and then I came home drunk. I accused you of sleeping with John and I lied to you. I said sex in the bedroom next to yours while you slept on the couch. I could keep going - how long have you got?” Roger grumbled, causing Brian to chuckle softly. 

“I think you’ve made your point.” Brian whispered, sitting at the end of Roger’s bed and placing a careful hand on Roger’s leg. “It might be more fool me… but I have no reservations about giving you another chance. Even if John would call me an idiot for it.” Brian said with a chuckle; Roger didn’t even look up at him, let alone entertain the idea of a smile. 

“That’s just the thing though, Brian. You’re so willing to keep giving me chances, because you’re such a wonderful guy. But, I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t think that I could assure you that I’m not going to fuck it all up again. And being friends with you… and not having everyone hate me, is more important than if you’re my boyfriend.” Roger groaned, trying to pull his duvet over his head. He was stopped by the weight of Brian sitting on it, and let out another frustrated groan as he threw his arms down. 

“Calm down…” Brian chuckled. “I think that too, Roger. No point dating if Deaky wants to kill you the entire time.” He smirked, receiving the first glint of even a grin from Roger. “Should we stay friends?” Brian said slowly, as if worried the words would upset Roger. Roger let out a soft sniffle as he shifted to sit up. 

“I- I guess… I don’t want to, but…” He trailed off, being cut off from potentially continuing by Brian. 

“But, I won’t stand for being cheated on… so, friends it is.” Brian said softly, trying to hide his disappointment at the words he knew he had to say. Roger gave him a small nod. 

“I think… I think I want to stay in bed a little longer; I’ll come have something to eat a little later.” Roger mumbled, a careful hand moving to his hip. Brian noticed the way his smooth skin had already began to discolour a little, and Brian felt more terrible than he thought he’d ever felt before. 

“I’m so sorry about grabbing you like that.” Brian practically whispered. He wasn’t sure how he could get out more than a whisper. 

“It’s fine, Brian. I know you weren’t trying to hurt me - you were just angry. It still beats getting strangled with Deaky’s bass strap.” Roger chuckled softly. Brian gave a small nod, but couldn’t force a smile to save himself. 

“I’ll leave you to it, okay?” Brian whispered, moving from Roger’s bed and slowly floating back to the door. “Let me know if you need anything.” Brian whispered, shutting the door behind him once he caught a glimpse of Roger nodding. 

As he exited the room he almost ran over Freddie and John, who were standing outside waiting. 

“What happened?” Freddie said quickly, his and John’s faces appearing very impatient. 

“We’re going to stay friends, I think.” Brian said softly. “Roger’s not ready to have to be committed.” He continued, a small smile on his face. 

“That’s it? Just like that - over.” Freddie exclaimed, clearly discontent with the choices Brian was making. 

“It’s good, Fred. Brian doesn’t deserve to be mistreated - and lord knows that’s exactly what Roger was doing… absolute prick.” John muttered, rolling his eyes. “You’re better off, Bri.” He said softly, receiving a small nod from Brian. “Did you want to do something to get your mind off of it?” John offered, a sweet smile on his face. Brian shot back a weak smile and shook his head. 

“I’m fine, thanks. I think I’m going to go for a walk… I just want to clear my head. We can hang out later tonight, alright Deaks?” Brian said quietly, receiving a slightly worried nod from John. Brian went swiftly to his room to get dressed, and then left without so much as a glance at anyone. 

That night, Brian lied in bed, eyes cast on the ceiling as the sound of whimpers and groans flooded through his open to door. It was as if despite his brain telling him to get up, his body wouldn’t allow it. Like he was pinned to the bed. It wasn’t until he heard the faintest of legible words, in which he found himself springing from the bed. 

“Brian.” Came the whimper. Brian wasn’t sure his legs had ever carried him quite so fast. It was as if his whole being was magnetically connected to Roger and no opposing force on earth could stop him from practically sprinting into the room next door to his. 

“Roger.” He muttered as he pushed through the ajar door. Panicked did not even scrap the onset of Brian’s emotions. Roger had never called for him when he was having a nightmare - so he figured something was marginally wrong. And be damned if he wasn’t desperate the fix it. 

“Brian.” Roger repeated, more forced intensity in his scrunched up and feminine face. Brian could feel his knitted brows, and worried that if he remained like that much longer, he’d have a severe headache. 

“Rog- I’m right here.” Brian whispered, taking a small step closer to where the smaller man lay tossing and turning. “You’re just having a bad dream.” He added, wishing that Roger would wake up. 

“Please, Brian.” Roger continued, causing Brian to step closer with more concern than curiosity. What was Roger asking for? Because, as much as Brian wouldn’t have minded, Roger certainly wasn’t in the midst of a sexy dream. “Please let go, Brian - I’m sorry.” Roger moaned - it now sounded like he was pleading. Brian took a subconscious step back as he watched Roger with wide eyes. “I’m sorry.” He muttered again, each time hurting Brian deep in his belly, more than the last. 

“Roger…” Brian whispered, so quiet that he doubted it would assist at all, but it was as loudly as he could manage. Roger’s groans and grumbled only became more intense the longer Brian stood watching, but he wasn’t sure what to do. Normally he’d slide himself into bed beside him and stroke Roger back to a peaceful state, but he couldn’t even make himself move a limb out of fear of invoking further panic in Roger. 

If Brian considered himself a savant when it came to Roger, maybe Roger was a savant for Brian, because just as Brian found himself becoming light-headed at the lack of oxygen he was allowing himself to breathe, Roger jolted upright, breathing rough and heavy. Brian still couldn’t move. He still could not fathom what he had been watching; and furthermore, what Roger might have been dreaming about. Thankfully, Roger came to his senses far quicker than Brian was. 

“Brian. What are you doing?” Roger whispered, his voice croaky from the few hours of sleep he’d had. “Is everything okay?

“Yeah… are you okay?” Brian said softly, still eyeing him with the utmost concern.

“Yeah.” He whispered, seemingly smaller than Brian had ever seen Roger. “I was just having a bad dream.” Roger added, which only made Brian feel worse

“What… what was it about?” Brian asked pensively, still too afraid to get closer to Roger. 

“It was nothing… chased by the boogie man - random kind of stuff… you know?” Roger mumbled, seeming to not be able to look Brian in the eyes. Brian wanted to press it further; he wanted to know what exactly had Roger groaning out his name. But, at the same time, he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear how he’d scared Roger into having nightmares. “I don’t think…” Roger began, and Brian’s mind went wild. _Go on, say it,_ He thought. _Say we can’t be friends anymore because I hurt you. I’m too forceful. I’m sorry, Roger._ “I don’t think I want to stop liking you.” He mumbled, hands toying with the bedsheets covering him. Brian’s eyes widened subconsciously.

“You what?” He uttered, eyeing Roger with disbelief. 

“I don’t think I want to stop liking you.” Roger repeated, even quieter than the time before. 

“Then promise-” Brian began, only to be swiftly cut off. 

“I can’t, Brian. I’ve told you. I won’t make a promise I can’t keep - and I know that’s one I can’t keep.” Roger said loudly, clearly overwhelmed. Brian sighed softly, letting his eyes trail up and down Roger where he lay. The room fell silent for a short while. It took Brian several minutes to finally speak.

“I guess… I guess we could work something out.” Brian whispered, and there was this tiny part of him that was very much hating himself for saying such words. 

“Seriously?” Roger muttered, seeming very much disbelieving himself. Brian sat still for a moment, before allowing himself to nod. 

“I think so. I want to be with you, Roger.” Brian mumbled, beginning to bite his lip the longer Roger waited to respond. 

“I like that. I want that.” Roger grinned, and Brian couldn’t help but grin back. “Will you lay down? I want to cuddle?” He added, his smile even wider now. Brian stood up slowly. 

“I just need to go grab some water. I’ll come straight back though.” He said softly, excusing himself once Roger nodded. As Brian exited, shutting the door behind him, he ran into John, who was also standing in the kitchen. They made brief eye contact and John eyed him suspiciously. 

“Everything okay?” He questioned, sipping from his glass. Brian gave him a quick nod, not wanting John to chew him out like he knew he would. “What happened in there?’ The younger man questioned, almost as if he knew that Brian had been spineless. 

“Umm-” Brian beginning, reaching the sink and beginning to fill his cup. He was desperately trying not to make eye contact with John. “It’s not exactly hashed out just yet, but I think we’re going to try being in some sort of open… thing.” Brian muttered, and he could have sworn he heard Deaky scoff. 

“Are you serious? How little self-respect do you have Brian?” Brian glanced up, fully expecting to see John look disappointed and angry. Instead, he seemed almost empathetic. Like he wanted to give Brian a hug. “Brian… why Roger? I’m standing right here.” John whispered, almost like he didn’t Brian to hear him. Brian thought about it - he very genuinely thought about it. As he looked John up and down, he very much thought about how e and John would work so well together. So much better than he and Roger ever could. But, he couldn’t force himself to want anyone but Roger. He was spineless. And he did have no self-respect. John was right - and he was right to be angry and disappointed. But, it didn’t have enough of an effect on Brian to see him make any sort of change. 

“I’m sorry, John.” Brian whispered, unable to look him in the eye. 

“I don’t know why you’re apologising to me, Brian. You should be apologising to yourself.” John whispered, as he turned and walked away from Brian - who felt like a fucking coward.


End file.
